I'm fasting today for women's ordination.
For those who don't know (though I'd bet that anyone who google-stumbles over this blog has probably heard of it) the women of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/548948465166297/">Equal in Faith</a>, an LDS-Catholic interfaith collaboration, chose August 26 as a day for all like-minded women to come together and fast for women's priesthood ordination. I kind of hate Facebook and everything it stands for, so while I didn't RSVP over there, I did write the date down in my mental calendar and made a commitment to myself that I would join them.
I'm fasting today because I think it's an important issue. I'm fasting today because I almost left the LDS Church because of structural inequalities between men and women. I'm fasting today because there is no inequality in the Kingdom of God and while I know that God hears my cries I want to make sure that the Church hierarchy hears them as well.
Yesterday, I mentioned the subject of my fast to my mother. She was horrified. She's not on the internet, she doesn't know how Mormon feminism has changed, all she has are memories of stories of women excommunicated in the 70's for supporting the ERA. She's worried that if I speak my mind then I'll be excommunicated as well.
But I can't be happy in a church that refuses to let me speak. I can't stay in a place where I have to remain silent. I don't want to stand up in the middle of church on Sunday and cause a scene, but I do want my voice to be heard. Silence and fear serve no one except the arrogant few who think they're opinions are the only true or normal ones. The kingdom of God grows by embracing all people, not throwing up its walls around a small-minded few.
I also discussed this fast, my fast, with my good friend over our traditional Saturday breakfast at Denny's. She's a liberal Catholic and over the course of our friendship we've devoted a number of conversations to our unhappiness with our respective religious institutions. Her comment was that it was about time Mormon and Catholic women came together over this issue because we have so much in common. I'm also glad to know that the women of Equal in Faith have also broadened the scope to include women of all religious traditions who are likewise locked out of positions of authority. Because this isn't about being Mormon or Catholic, this is about equality and justice and we would be committing a sin if we ignored our sisters who were likewise crying out in pain.
My mother, throughout my life, has often stated that she didn't want the priesthood, she couldn't handle the idea of having that kind of responsibility. And that is such a valid position to hold. But it's not the only position and I hold the opposite. I want the priesthood. I want to share fully in the responsibilities and blessings my brothers and father have, I want my voice to be heard with the same seriousness as my male counterparts. I want to serve God in this way because I have always wanted to serve God. Perhaps a discussion of women's ordination would lead to a discussion of how the priesthood is viewed and utilized in the LDS Church and how we may be doing men a disservice by pushing them into responsibilities they may not want or for which they may be tragically ill-suited.
For all of these reasons, and even a couple that I haven't mentioned, today I am fasting for women's ordination. I hope that, even if you can't share in the fast, you will join your voices and prayers with mine. Because God is with us.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
The RM Reward
I didn't hear one of the most popular missionary proverbs until I was well into my mission. I don't know if it's still popular, but 11 years ago it was all over the place on the mission. It went something like this: the harder you work on your mission the hotter your wife will be afterwards.
Yeah.
Before I go any further I want to say that yes, I know that this isn't official LDS Church doctrine and yes, I realize that it's a flippant saying. But the thing is that sayings like this are the result of a lot of underlying assumptions and unspoken understandings. This proverb says more about the culture from which it comes than it does about the kids who repeat it.
Basically what is being said is that a woman is a reward for a man's efforts. The woman is passive, without independence or choice. It's the man who acts, the man who chooses, the man who makes an effort. This idea, that a hot wife is the reward for good missionary service, is a reflection of broader societal sexism, sexism that is only enhanced by the gender segregation of the Mormon Church.
This proverb also touches on that other hot button Mormon feminist topic, that of the pretty requirement in Mormon cultural femininity. That being pretty is of primary importance but only a specific kind of pretty. We have to be kind and girlish and innocent with pretty hair and nice clothes and well-applied make-up. And it's not about self confidence, our feelings aren't really a part of the equation, it's about the image we present to others, especially men. Our worth is tied up in our physical appearance in a way that it isn't for Mormon Men. It's telling that the proverbial wife is hot, not righteous or intelligent or hard-working, hot. Even in a putative joke we can see what our culture values.
Like I said, this isn't only a Mormon problem (for a recent example please see Anita Sarkeesian's fantastic analysis of the Damsel in Distress trope in video games) but the notion of the hot wife reward is not something you really see in broad American culture. Maybe it's because we send our young men off on missions (or quests) and so, because of the stories they've heard their entire lives, they believe that a woman will be their reward. They've proven themselves and now they get to have their side of the happily ever after.
But what does that say about the female side of the equation? Because sister missionaries weren't made the same promise, we never even had a joking promise that our service would ensure us a hot husband. Of course, for so many years a sister missionary was anomalous. It will be interesting to see the cultural changes that happen as sister missionary service is normalized. Will sisters co-opt the proverb? Will they start to joke about the hot husband they'll find when they get home? Will they expect a reward for their service?
However, gender-equal objectification isn't the answer. What we need to do is work on drafting a new cultural narrative, one that educates young men on women's individuality and worth (beyond the pedestal-ization of mothers and wives) but allows young women to be their own actors, to realize that their worth isn't in their appeal to a man but rather in themselves and in their service, just like it is for young men.
It's exciting to see the surge in sister missionary service. It's already started to break up the missionary boy's club and I can't wait to see the broader effects it will have down the road.
Yeah.
Before I go any further I want to say that yes, I know that this isn't official LDS Church doctrine and yes, I realize that it's a flippant saying. But the thing is that sayings like this are the result of a lot of underlying assumptions and unspoken understandings. This proverb says more about the culture from which it comes than it does about the kids who repeat it.
Basically what is being said is that a woman is a reward for a man's efforts. The woman is passive, without independence or choice. It's the man who acts, the man who chooses, the man who makes an effort. This idea, that a hot wife is the reward for good missionary service, is a reflection of broader societal sexism, sexism that is only enhanced by the gender segregation of the Mormon Church.
This proverb also touches on that other hot button Mormon feminist topic, that of the pretty requirement in Mormon cultural femininity. That being pretty is of primary importance but only a specific kind of pretty. We have to be kind and girlish and innocent with pretty hair and nice clothes and well-applied make-up. And it's not about self confidence, our feelings aren't really a part of the equation, it's about the image we present to others, especially men. Our worth is tied up in our physical appearance in a way that it isn't for Mormon Men. It's telling that the proverbial wife is hot, not righteous or intelligent or hard-working, hot. Even in a putative joke we can see what our culture values.
Like I said, this isn't only a Mormon problem (for a recent example please see Anita Sarkeesian's fantastic analysis of the Damsel in Distress trope in video games) but the notion of the hot wife reward is not something you really see in broad American culture. Maybe it's because we send our young men off on missions (or quests) and so, because of the stories they've heard their entire lives, they believe that a woman will be their reward. They've proven themselves and now they get to have their side of the happily ever after.
But what does that say about the female side of the equation? Because sister missionaries weren't made the same promise, we never even had a joking promise that our service would ensure us a hot husband. Of course, for so many years a sister missionary was anomalous. It will be interesting to see the cultural changes that happen as sister missionary service is normalized. Will sisters co-opt the proverb? Will they start to joke about the hot husband they'll find when they get home? Will they expect a reward for their service?
However, gender-equal objectification isn't the answer. What we need to do is work on drafting a new cultural narrative, one that educates young men on women's individuality and worth (beyond the pedestal-ization of mothers and wives) but allows young women to be their own actors, to realize that their worth isn't in their appeal to a man but rather in themselves and in their service, just like it is for young men.
It's exciting to see the surge in sister missionary service. It's already started to break up the missionary boy's club and I can't wait to see the broader effects it will have down the road.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Welcome to the Blog
What is this? What am I doing here? The world, or the internet, isn't really in need of another Mormon blog or another feminist blog, or, frankly, another blog in general. But that's okay, I don't need to be a special snowflake. What I do need is a place where I can say all of the things that come bubbling up, express all of my concerns and delights and frustrations. I needed a place for me. Religion has been such a large part of my life for so long but I've found myself without anyone with whom I could discuss it, not really. So here I am to discuss it with myself.
Of course, like most people, I rarely have only one reason for doing anything, and this is no different. I discovered the Bloggernacle last year and it was wonderful to find a world of people who got it, who understood what it was like to doubt and question but still want to hold fast to a religion that had given them, us, so much. And after a year of enjoying that company I wanted to start telling my story, or at least the parts of my story that didn't exactly sync up with the stories I'd already seen. I'm a feminist but not a housewife, single but not young, a Mormon but not from the American West, and so my experience with Mormonism is a different one in many ways.
I want to add my voice to the chorus. I want to be heard.
So this is me. I'm Megan. I'm Mormon. I'm a feminist. I was born and raised in Michigan and have lived here for most of my life. I am the child of Mormon converts and am a convert myself. The only pioneer ancestors I have are the immigrants who made their way from Europe to Michigan for a variety of reasons. I am a sister. I am a daughter. I am an aunt. I am a writer. I am a law school graduate with two bucks to my name. I am a return missionary and I have never been married. I am myself.
I hope that what I have to say is interesting or entertaining or strikes a chord. Because we're not alone and all of our voices should be heard.
Of course, like most people, I rarely have only one reason for doing anything, and this is no different. I discovered the Bloggernacle last year and it was wonderful to find a world of people who got it, who understood what it was like to doubt and question but still want to hold fast to a religion that had given them, us, so much. And after a year of enjoying that company I wanted to start telling my story, or at least the parts of my story that didn't exactly sync up with the stories I'd already seen. I'm a feminist but not a housewife, single but not young, a Mormon but not from the American West, and so my experience with Mormonism is a different one in many ways.
I want to add my voice to the chorus. I want to be heard.
So this is me. I'm Megan. I'm Mormon. I'm a feminist. I was born and raised in Michigan and have lived here for most of my life. I am the child of Mormon converts and am a convert myself. The only pioneer ancestors I have are the immigrants who made their way from Europe to Michigan for a variety of reasons. I am a sister. I am a daughter. I am an aunt. I am a writer. I am a law school graduate with two bucks to my name. I am a return missionary and I have never been married. I am myself.
I hope that what I have to say is interesting or entertaining or strikes a chord. Because we're not alone and all of our voices should be heard.
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